Apple Theme Kids Party!

 I was ecstatic when I got the news.

I found out I was room mom for Cati's class!

Not only was I one of the two room moms but...wait for it... 

I'm the PARTY MOM!!!!!

In Case You're Interested...

Today I feel so honored to be featured over at she wears flowers with my dear friend Tammy.  We have become wonderful bloggy friends and she is one of the most amazing crafty people!  I was actually her very 1st follower and incredibly proud of it!!!  Her blog has grown so much and she has been featured all over blogland with her inspiring craftiness.

What is so humbling to me is that she actually did not start following my blog for my crafts...it was for my writing which is actually where my passion lie.  Don't get me wrong...I can not go a week without getting my craft on. But writing from my heart is why I do this blog and I was so fascinated to read about what made her start reading two shades of pink.  I am flattered and very honored to be featured by her. 

So if you would like to check it out, click here.

Home Schooling: Not for the Faint of Heart

Do any of you feel like when you have not posted for a week...it feels like a month?  And if someone else does not post for a week, it feels like forever?  I know I have been missing in action for some time now.  Ever since Hubs lost his job and Cati started school, it has been anything but normal around here.   But we have been hanging in here, amazed at the provisions of God.

For example...for the past 3 years, my hubby has been a football official on a seasonal basis.  He loves being back int he world of football, officiating these cute little munchkins all the way to high school age.  We have always done it for some extra cash but this year, combined with a bit of unemployment, we have been able to make ends meet.  God amazes me with providing us with just our portion.  Not too much.  But not too little. But at the same time it puts a strain on things.  And I am about to get real so sit down. Already sitting?  Then prepare yourself.

Ready?  Because this will seem a little mean for me to say.  So I will whisper it...hubby is kinda getting on my nerves being here all the time.

OK. I got it out without a piano falling on my head or something.  But the good news is that I have already discussed this with him.  Why?  Because we are open like that.  A long time ago we decided to keep things real between us.  The good.  The bad.  The ugly.  And how could two people NOT run into some issues when faced with being around each other all day, every day?  But what is so amazing about our marriage is we can talk about fears, annoying habits, and joys and still remain best friends and strong in our marriage. 

And we laugh about it too. But I am careful to remember that this sweet man still needs a job to feel of value and purposeful.  He did have an interview about 10 days ago and he wants this job. A LOT. Kind of a dream job for him.

But we wait. 

With our feet still in this spacious place. 

And learning how to live together for more hours of the day then we ever thought we would. But I am proud of my man.  He job searches every day and sends his resume to more positions than I can count. God is up to something and I know it will be for His highest good. And our highest good.  Maybe not what we want but His highest good is what I want most. Even if I don't know what that is.

But let me share with you this new journey of mine as a teacher.  Now know this.  My whole life I have been told I need to be a teacher.  That I am good with kids.   I believe this is because 90% of the time I behave like one.  I am known to leap from room to room if the mood strikes. I like to actually play on the playground.  I dance and sing publicly.  And I am not opposed to hiding my husbands pillow when he gets up to use the bathroom.  But perhaps that should be called IMMATURITY. But I think teaching your own child should come with an informational packet with an exhaustive list of do's and don'ts. I am much better leading bible studies or teaching adults.  That is where I thrive. But this home schooling thing...this is new.

I have discovered some not so wonderful traits of mine as I home school my child. Well, discovered might be kind of like saying I just realized I'm a girl.  No, discovered is...well...a lie.  I think the phrase I am looking for is homeschooling may be TRIGGERING some not so wonderful traits of mine.  Here is a short list...

Impatience
Intolerance
Anal Retentiveness that may require medication
A lack of grace
False expectations
Inflexibility
And my very favorite...Illusions of grandeur that my child is a prodigy

Are any of you victim to your own expectations?  High expectations?  Because this has been a lifelong, self inflicted plague of my existence.

I, Jessica, am an idealist.  I create imaginary places of perfection, pack my bags, and then go live there only to find out this place does not even exist and I can't find my way.  This is the way it has been home schooling my child.  Which I do...

One.
Day.
A.
Week.

Now really, I really think this kind of drama and woe should be reserved for the moms who are veterans, the gals who sacrifice it all to home school not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4 but 5 days a week. And they are probably so good that they don't need to do it 5 days a week.

But keeping her attention is hard.  We take breaks.  I get creative.  But this is harder then I thought.  Probably because within this idealist is also a perfectionist.  So I am on a learning curve.  I am learning what I should let go.  Where I need to persevere.  But I am so proud of her.  I love how she thinks.  I love one on one time with her.  And I love that I am partnering with a school that wants to instill godly character in her as well as a love of learning.

I took some pics of our homeschooling...

Cati cutting her "E" words.

Look at Ella coloring like a sweet girl...3 1/2 minutes I think she colored.  She wants to be like her sister. 

And look at that chaos on the table!  I am not exactly neat when it comes to papers an books.  But I get the job done!

 Math time with teddy bear counters!

Someone may have received an anal retentive trait from her mommy.  Her line is color coordinated.

It has been fun and it is teaching me about myself too.  But I feel like I need help.  

Can any of you recommend some blogs or websites that will give me tools and tips?  

I would really appreciate some encouragement and I want to make this work. I hated school as a kid.  Things did not come easy for me so I developed bad habits that last through college.  I don't want that for my girls and I want to do what I can to encourage but not push.  To make things fun but also to instill a DESIRE to learn.

Thanks friends!

I promise not to be so quiet.

Pumpkins and a Heat Index of 105

 I Love Fall!

The 1st FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!

First day of Pre-K!  

I can't believe today arrived so quickly!  My emotions have been all over the place today as I have cried on and off.  And funny thing is, I am not sure why.  I would have assumed that this would have been easier.  I mean, it is not even considered an official GRADE yet.  But she is gone from 9-3 two days a week and home schooled on one.  And today the house felt extra quiet.

We started the morning with some excitement.  I think Cati was a little scared because she would not eat her breakfast and she was a tad grumpy. Look at her just picking at her eggs. And yes.  She LOVES eggs.

Then I took a gazillion photos outside of her and  I kept getting a fake smile.  You all would never know but I am sure so many of you can relate.  YOU KNOW WHEN YOUR CHILDREN ARE JUST BARING THEIR TEETH...humoring us old folks.

This one is real.

This one is NOT.

Nope.  Not this one either.She looks a bit like a deer in headlights here.

But she is still so cute my heart can't take it.

We got to school and Cati found her seat with her name on it. And looky there...bored already even before it begins.  She's like, "OK Peeps.  When's this party gettin' started?"

Actually, I truly think she was nervous.

Sister hugs.  

Ella is NOT happy to be away from her sister.  

All day she has been reminding us, "Cati's at goool."

The best family pic we could get...but I love it.  What an amazing memory to look back on.

Libbie, did ya see the lunch box?

WE GOT OUR GIRLS THE SAME ONE!!!!!

Libbie and I had a contest to see who would be first to post a first day of school pic.

She won. 

Dang it.  But it was fun!

My Feet Are in a Spacious Place

As I typed out this title, I wondered how many people would be confused by it and perhaps decide not to read it. But I know if it were me, I would HAVE to click it. Curiosity is a weakness. So for you who clicked...thanks for engaging my cryptic and yet (I think) brilliantly poetic title. :)

I just inhaled deeply. That deep breath you take before you begin talking.  Actually, it is more like unloading YOUR LOAD OF WOE.  The load you carry and feel bogged down by burden.  But I don't feel bogged down. It's more like I feel attacked and beaten.  This week has been such spiritual battle for me but there is a reason that God assures us we are more than conquerors.

Let me back up a bit.  First off, you have to understand that we have been in a whirlwind of just good old fashioned STUFF.  House stuff, remodeling, getting ready for school, and running around doing things causing me to wonder what exactly I am accomplishing besides repeating the same cycle the following week.  You know.  Wash clothes, feed children, drive to Point A.  Then to Point B.  Then home.  Then eat.  Then sleep.  Then shower on the 3rd day.  It all takes on this beautiful sense of NORMAL.  And then WHAM!

Job loss.  

Then another WHAM!

I am sick.

WHAM AGAIN!


Girls spike high fevers and become infected with boils.  Oh, I wish I were kidding. I started asking my husband if we were being plagued in a magnificent, biblical, prophetic kind of way.

He said no but I am still not convinced.

The boils thing is something we have dealt with for years and I am ashamed to even blog about it and put it out there.  It is this kind of situation that makes me doubt myself as a mother.  We have seen several doctors, even infectious disease control, but we have no conclusive answers.  It is sporadic...like 3 times a year. And for those who know me I am a clean freak to the point that boiling toothbrushes and combs would be a trait I would admire in a person. As in, you are not weird because I would like detailed instructions to follow suit.

But when it happens,  it always discourages me deeply and as I bleach everything in my house once again, I question my worth. Am I bad mom? Do I keep things TOO clean? Not enough clean? Blah, blah, blah. Though I know this is often a lie, I believe it anyway.  I actually suspect something in our water or pipes but I can't be sure.  The other day I was scrubbing my bath tub and when I turned on the water, this is what came out...

I thought I was seeing things but that water was straight up brown.  I freaked.  So I tried again after 5 minutes and this what came out...

Clear! I thought I imagined the whole thing and at this point my sanity was in total question.  When we first moved in we had to empty the hot water heater due to all the sediment in the bottom.  But it ran clear after about a week.  This came out of nowhere. And still, the girls have struggled with this issue before we moved here.  But we have not been able to figure it out.  We use special cleansers.  We don't reuse towels. I dress them in haz mat suits, etc.  But I am veering off point as usual.

Then there is my oldest daughter who has decided to become...shall I say...difficult. TRIPLE WHAM! Cati must have drank the Koolaid from a sect called  Babies Torturing Mothers.  She has learned strategies that would rival the cunning ways of a CIA agent to make me question my diligent quest for motherhood.  As I tap away she is making squealing sounds from her bed because we have made the unfortunate decision of not giving her attention though she was supposed to be in the REM state of sleep 55 minutes ago.

Then there is my husband who has many job leads and yet no actual possibilities.  Oddly, I am totally confident that God is working. The small stuff lays me out like right hooks to the head.  The big stuff I roll with. Go figure.

I got one of those chain letter emails today that makes you fear for your life if you don't send it to 10 people.  The email actually says that if I am too busy to send it to 10 people that perhaps Jesus is to busy to write my name in the book of life.

True story.

Oh, how I want to start my own chain letter to reference this wayward and alarmingly false theology but I shall take the high road and just look at all the pretty pictures that accompanies the email.  But at the top, in all its blinky form, it said something that struck me...

"When God is about to reposition your life, know that the devil will begin to attack."

Oh, how true.  And I am most vulnerable when my feet are in a spacious place.  When nothing seems to be happening. It was in college or just after, I heard a pastor preach on this verse in Psalm 31 that had significant impact on me. I will share the verse that precedes it to give it some context...

"I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place." Psalm 31:7-8

This pastor said something I have never forgotten in all these years since I was a fairly new Christian when I heard them.  He referenced that last verse and I scribbled the words he said in the margin of my bible.

Do not mistake the Lord's inactivity for absence.

The times I have needed this truth are countless.  And this is one of those times.  As we eagerly wait for Brandon's new job, there is ZERO THINGS HAPPENING ON THE JOB RADAR. Even as I try to figure out my specific purpose on this earth to build God's kingdom. There seems to be heavenly crickets singing our Lord's praises in that area.Even as I spend much too much time considering paint colors for my laundry room and currently non existent master bath that we have stopped remodeling.  Since, you know.  What was once to be my bathtub may now have to take the form of Ramen noodles for dinner or the assurance that a light bulb will still turn to the on position. In all of this, God may not seem to be doing anything for the moment...but He has not left us.  What a comfort!  And as you read through David's anguished words in this psalm, you reach verses 14 and 15...

"But I trust in you, O Lord: I say, 'You are my God.  My times are in your hands...'"

So currently my feet are in a spacious place.  God has not left us though it feels nothing is happening...YET. And there is something so lovely about that YET. I am excited to post about what is YET to come.

And by the way. Thank you for all your prayers, sweet comments, and emails. I go back through them often marveling that I have friends across the nation and world. You all astound me at your thoughtfulness and friendship.

And I leave you with this truth that I live moment to moment during this trial that can only end in triumph.

Though He slay me,  YET will I hope in Him.  Job 13:15 

P.S.  The squealing sounds from Cati were apparently due to her frog night light moving within the electric socket. SHE SAID IT WAS MOVING! This is obviously terrifying to a 4 year old and rightly so since it terrifies me. We have removed said frog and it will not be returning to wreak it's late night havoc.  Thank you and good night.

We are Going Through A Tough Time

You know...I wish life were easy and wrapped into this nice little bow. That the way you you wish it or hope it will be is exactly the way it will turn out.  But it never is and I will tell you that I am glad for it.  Really and truly.

Which is why I am asking for prayer and letting you know that my sweet husband came home today crushed because he lost his job.

Oh, this precious man.  For those who know him he is described as one of the nicest people they ever met, kind and tender hearted, a great guy, a workhorse, a dedicated person.  And I know all this to be true since...um...he hired me and that is how we met.  I remember watching his impeccable work ethic and the way he was with people.  I was so impressed by him.  Little did I know I would marry him and I am so glad I did. :)

It hurts this has happened.  I know that if we don't let God reign in our thoughts we can easily give way to fear.  But we also are choosing to FORGET NOT ALL OF GOD's BENEFITS.  We serve a mighty God who has never let us down before.  In fact, He has done MIRACLES in our life.  He won't stop now. So please pray for the job intended for Brandon that puts him on the right career path.

It amazes me the perfect peace that comes when we let God rule our hearts, our decisions, and our future.  I love that when I start letting thoughts go through my head like the fast paced credits at the end of a movie, I can easily be gripped by terror and paralyzing anxiety. But God tells us not to be anxious about anything but with prayer and petition to present our requests to him...and the peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard my heart in Christ Jesus.  Consider us GUARDED.  I marvel that in the midst of the dark unknown...we trust the outcome...no matter what it will look like.

Obviously, trouble can come and when we are most vulnerable we can begin to lose patience, faith, and reason.  So pray that our family stands united in Christ and with one another.  Our children are watching this new development and all I want them to see is Faith in Action. Not only that, but we can easily begin to fear God will forsake His provision. Yet this is a lie straight from the pit and I stand on the knowledge that God is our Jehovah Jireh...our PROVIDER...and I know He will provide.  But I am human.  We all are and can begin to doubt God in HIS FINEST HOUR. And I am so excited to see what GOD will do. So pray for our family as a whole.

Finally, my hope and deepest desire is this scenario will be another testimony of God's goodness and faithfulness.  That his ways are higher than our ways.  My prayer is that our family remains steadfast within this so this whole situation will point directly to our God and King.  

May it magnify your name, Lord.

I promise to keep all of you posted and I thank God for each and every one of you.