For example...for the past 3 years, my hubby has been a football official on a seasonal basis. He loves being back int he world of football, officiating these cute little munchkins all the way to high school age. We have always done it for some extra cash but this year, combined with a bit of unemployment, we have been able to make ends meet. God amazes me with providing us with just our portion. Not too much. But not too little. But at the same time it puts a strain on things. And I am about to get real so sit down. Already sitting? Then prepare yourself.
Ready? Because this will seem a little mean for me to say. So I will whisper it...hubby is kinda getting on my nerves being here all the time.
OK. I got it out without a piano falling on my head or something. But the good news is that I have already discussed this with him. Why? Because we are open like that. A long time ago we decided to keep things real between us. The good. The bad. The ugly. And how could two people NOT run into some issues when faced with being around each other all day, every day? But what is so amazing about our marriage is we can talk about fears, annoying habits, and joys and still remain best friends and strong in our marriage.
And we laugh about it too. But I am careful to remember that this sweet man still needs a job to feel of value and purposeful. He did have an interview about 10 days ago and he wants this job. A LOT. Kind of a dream job for him.
But we wait.
With our feet still in this spacious place.
And learning how to live together for more hours of the day then we ever thought we would. But I am proud of my man. He job searches every day and sends his resume to more positions than I can count. God is up to something and I know it will be for His highest good. And our highest good. Maybe not what we want but His highest good is what I want most. Even if I don't know what that is.
But let me share with you this new journey of mine as a teacher. Now know this. My whole life I have been told I need to be a teacher. That I am good with kids. I believe this is because 90% of the time I behave like one. I am known to leap from room to room if the mood strikes. I like to actually play on the playground. I dance and sing publicly. And I am not opposed to hiding my husbands pillow when he gets up to use the bathroom. But perhaps that should be called IMMATURITY. But I think teaching your own child should come with an informational packet with an exhaustive list of do's and don'ts. I am much better leading bible studies or teaching adults. That is where I thrive. But this home schooling thing...this is new.
I have discovered some not so wonderful traits of mine as I home school my child. Well, discovered might be kind of like saying I just realized I'm a girl. No, discovered is...well...a lie. I think the phrase I am looking for is homeschooling may be TRIGGERING some not so wonderful traits of mine. Here is a short list...
Anal Retentiveness that may require medication
A lack of grace
And my very favorite...Illusions of grandeur that my child is a prodigy
Are any of you victim to your own expectations? High expectations? Because this has been a lifelong, self inflicted plague of my existence.
I, Jessica, am an idealist. I create imaginary places of perfection, pack my bags, and then go live there only to find out this place does not even exist and I can't find my way. This is the way it has been home schooling my child. Which I do...
Now really, I really think this kind of drama and woe should be reserved for the moms who are veterans, the gals who sacrifice it all to home school not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4 but 5 days a week. And they are probably so good that they don't need to do it 5 days a week.
But keeping her attention is hard. We take breaks. I get creative. But this is harder then I thought. Probably because within this idealist is also a perfectionist. So I am on a learning curve. I am learning what I should let go. Where I need to persevere. But I am so proud of her. I love how she thinks. I love one on one time with her. And I love that I am partnering with a school that wants to instill godly character in her as well as a love of learning.
I took some pics of our homeschooling...
Cati cutting her "E" words.
Look at Ella coloring like a sweet girl...3 1/2 minutes I think she colored. She wants to be like her sister.
And look at that chaos on the table! I am not exactly neat when it comes to papers an books. But I get the job done!
Math time with teddy bear counters!
Someone may have received an anal retentive trait from her mommy. Her line is color coordinated.
It has been fun and it is teaching me about myself too. But I feel like I need help.
Can any of you recommend some blogs or websites that will give me tools and tips?
I would really appreciate some encouragement and I want to make this work. I hated school as a kid. Things did not come easy for me so I developed bad habits that last through college. I don't want that for my girls and I want to do what I can to encourage but not push. To make things fun but also to instill a DESIRE to learn.
I promise not to be so quiet.