May 13, 2012

A Letter to those of you in my Heart on Mother's Day


Dear Sweet Friends,
As many of you know, I have a very tender heart for so many women on Mother's Day.  I wish many of you a happy one as you cherish those precious blessings in your life.

My own day started so sweet as I opened  hand picked gifts from both my girls.  They each got me gum, picked out precious cards and wrote in their endearingly sweet handwriting of a child. They drew me beautiful pictures that I look at with a heart that swells with a love I did not know possible.

My oldest picked out a hot pink cell phone case for me knowing mine was broken.  And my youngest got me a hot pink set of tools.  I know I will be a smiling fool whacking at some nails with that delicious pink hammer some day soon. Those girls are so precious. They even picked out flip flops for me.  Ella chose green (her favorite color) and Cati chose pink (her favorite color).  When I got dressed for the day, I could not choose which ones to wear.
So I wore both. ♥
Who knew what a mother's heart will do for her precious babies? People looked at my feet and then at me like I was a complete nut but so be it. I am nuts...about my girls!

But my heart typically focuses on many women whose pain was great today.  For many years, this day brought me pain as I ached for a baby.  As I prayed year after year to be called that beautiful name that would belong only to me from my own precious child...Mommy. This day was one where I would wish the hours away, avert my eyes from the the bouquets of flowers being bought or received, or sadly witness happy families with the mother (yet again) bursting with child as they ushered their other children here and there. Sitting with pain and an odd sense of shame as mother's were asked to stand in church to be honored for their so coveted role and title.
It was typically a dark day year after year.

So today is the day I stand up for women who I share a bond with for always.  Where this day brings pain, grief, and maybe even anger.  Because I have walked in your pain.  And carry a bit with me now so I will never forget my journey. Or your fragile heart as you courageously work out these emotions in your heart.

To you...

Women (and men) who have lost their mother in death.
Mother's who have lost a child to death or miscarriage.
Mother's who are not yet mother's because they are waiting for God to bless them by conceiving yet in their hearts they are a mother already without a baby to hold.
Mother's who anxiously wait to adopt and still have not wrapped their arms around their babies and ache for them to be home soon.
Mother's who have courageously given their children up for adoption knowing they will have a better life.
Mother's who may be estranged from their children or vice versa due to past hurts and mistakes.

For you I stand because I have a special place in my heart for you.  
Today I prayed for you all day. 
Loving you without knowing your name and seeing your precious face. But knowing you are there. Praying that this day will somehow bring you peace and a knowing of God's perfect love.

My daughter's birth mother was on my mind a lot too.  
Does she miss her?  Is her heart full of regret?  
I know she has other children she has lost too. Sadly, due to poor choices.  
Does she feel like a childless mother?  Does she know that her ultimate, sacrficial decision allowed me to gain that glorious name...that her birth child made ME a mother? Does she know? 
So I prayed.
For her and each and every one of you.
With more love in my heart then you may ever even know.
And I stand for you this day letting you know that a person you have never met...honored YOU.

Lots of love and blessings,
Jessica

15 comments:

  1. O I love that post and I had forgotten up until now how I felt last year and the previous years. I had forgotten how it felt to have loved and to have lost. But today was a glorious day because I am a mommy (even if it is foster) to a precious baby boy who just started calling me mama for the first time today. God does bring miracles to those who trust him. He has taught me how to trust him for sure and don't get me wrong I'm still learning! You have inspired me to write a blog post about my mothers day:) hugs! Naomi

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  2. what a lovely post! though you might enjoy my little mom print too - http://www.northerncottage.net/2012/05/home-is-where-your-mom-is.html

    xo

    www.NorthernCottage.net

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  3. Your post has given me chills. It is beautifully written. I am blesses to have 2 beautiful girls, Christal 22 and Natalie 20. They are my life. Although my Natalie lives with Dad because she goes to college over there.
    Thank you for this post.
    TFS. ANA

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  4. Beautifully written. I struggled with infertility for a thankfully short time but I can still remember how difficult Mother's Day was for me. So many people are hurting this time of year.

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  5. So very true. And for women who have never struggled w/ infertility, so many go aout this day unaware of how painful it is for others. My sister is your first commenter today. I am so glad she has her sweet foster baby (hopefully adopted eventually!!) this year and thabshe can experience raising him from birth!

    Also my mom lost her momma this past Christmas so I am hurting for her this mothers days as you mentioned... She's missing her momma even as we honor her as our momma.

    Thanks foe your sweet post! Also reminded me to pray for my girls' birth mom. I forgot how much she must've been hurting yesterday!

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  6. You have such a way and gift for loving! What a beautiful tribute! I often think of friends who have really hard Mother's Days and you have me thinking....I need to pray for them Wayyyyyyy more than I do! Thanks for that reminder Jess! You make me a better mom :)

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  7. Hey Jessica,

    What a beautiful post!! I love your writing and when you have shared about your struggles with getting pregnant and now your joys with your girls!! Gave you a shout out on my own blog! Would love for you to stop by and drop a comment or two, become a follower or put my blog on your bloglist.



    ♥ Ashley

    atparsons.blogspot.com

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  8. What beautiful words, thankyou so much Jessica. I found so much strength and hope from reading your blog when I was battling with polycystic ovaries on my journey to motherhood. Now I have a beautiful 12 week old baby boy! God is great.

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  9. So beautiful. I too have sat in humiliation for many years as the mothers were honored - I too have prayed and wept, much as Hannah in the Bible, begging God for a baby. I endured, somehow, the unbearable pain of miscarriage following years of waiting to conceive. The answer finally came, when I was 43, in the form of adoption and three years later another adoption. Like you, I am thankful beyond words for the birth mothers who made the extremely painful yet courageous decisions to place their children in my arms. This is a wonderful reminder to pray for them. Hugs ~ Mary P.S. I love your multi-colored flip flops, the teens all wear non-matching socks now, so I think you're just really cool :)

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  10. Such precious words that resonate with so many of us! We too are SO thankful for our daughter's precious birth mother and her sacrifice that brought us so much joy. Happy Mother's Day!

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  11. Beautiful.
    Xo
    Jennifer N

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  12. Well said, i almost wanted to cry!!! God bless u sister:)

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  13. I just discovered your blog & am way behind (obviously) on my reader. I typically move past any post that says Mother's Day & have tried to avoid any Mother's Day activities for the last 13 years, since losing my mother months after Mother's Day 1999. It has gone as far as not even acknowledging my own grandmother on this day, except with, shamefully admitted, a text. This day became even worse for me, when in August 2011, I had to have a hysterectomy. I am 35 & my dream of being a mother myself is gone & has left an indescribable emptiness that follows me every day. I just wanted to say that your post here brought me to tears. To know that someone out there, took their special day, to say a prayer for those like me, was a blessing & a beautiful thing to hear. You have a lovely heart & I just want to say Thank you for those prayers. I am so glad you had an incredible Mother's Day & your daughters are incredibly lucky to have a sweet hearted mother like you. Thanks again, Jessica.

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  14. I just discovered your blog & am way behind (obviously) on my reader. I typically move past any post that says Mother's Day & have tried to avoid any Mother's Day activities for the last 13 years, since losing my mother months after Mother's Day 1999. It has gone as far as not even acknowledging my own grandmother on this day, except with, shamefully admitted, a text. This day became even worse for me, when in August 2011, I had to have a hysterectomy. I am 35 & my dream of being a mother myself is gone & has left an indescribable emptiness that follows me every day. I just wanted to say that your post here brought me to tears. To know that someone out there, took their special day, to say a prayer for those like me, was a blessing & a beautiful thing to hear. You have a lovely heart & I just want to say Thank you for those prayers. I am so glad you had an incredible Mother's Day & your daughters are incredibly lucky to have a sweet hearted mother like you. Thanks again, Jessica.

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  15. Mercy...thank you. Your sweet words touch such a raw place in the heart of this woman who will never get the chance to be a mother. I pray that others read your message as well.

    Many Blessings,
    Melissa

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