I am going to start a list. I have no idea what I am going to write but I am going to see what happens. I hope it encourages others that none of us know what we are doing but just trying to do our best...or maybe just trying to survive.
- Yesterday, Ella dumped her whole graduates meal (yes, not a home cooked meal but one where dull colored veggies and a congealed mass of orange carbs called mac & cheese sit on a room temperature shelf for us super nutritious minded mommy's to buy) on the dining room rug. I looked down, scooped it up and put it right back on her tray. Dig in, kid!
- We have a flip flop basket right by the front door and I kid you not...I let Ella use them as chew toys to keep her stationary for longer than 2 minutes.
- I allow Cati to take naps with odd objects because the faster she goes down, the faster I can go read a book or run on the treadmill. Last week was a balloon. On a string. A few days ago it was her sandals swaddled like a baby.
- I actually project vanity onto my girls by selecting outfits based on a particular activity. Junky clothes for home days, cutie patootie outfits for running errands, totally trendy clothes for play dates (to make other Mom's think I have brilliant fashion sense), and designer clothes for church. I worry too often that if the bow is not in Cati's hair for the entire time in church preschool, I have somehow failed Little Girl Hair 101. This particular admission was hard but what is the point of being transparent if we can't be brutally honest about our inner thoughts and foolish misconceptions?
- I actually do bribe my 3 year old with Popsicles to eat 2 bites of peas. She is consuming more sugar then nutritious food and yet I still feel victorious. Call me a mommy sucker.
- I assume all Mom's think I am an awful mom when I am with them and I compare my mothering skills to theirs. When in fact, most of these wonderful friends will later tell me how I encourage them. Why do I torture myself?
- I often "check out" when Mommy life gets overwhelming and get on the computer or the phone. Instead of playing with my children. I can get so unorganized with my time when I am actually VERY organized. But I look for an escape. This one grieves my heart the most and I admit it because I feel shame. I think lots of moms sometimes do this and maybe feel guilty. I know this time period of our children being small is so fleeting and we are to enjoy each moment but some days I wonder how we do that in the midst of it. Why does it seem so much easier in retrospect?
- I actually let Cati break house rules so I can have a 5 minute conversation with a friend. Not proud of the hypocrisy here.
- If my child refuses to eat what I serve her, she does not eat until the next meal. I am convinced imminent death is not a threat. Though many Grandmother's are probably gathering to hunt me down.
- I already fear being judged by this honest list yet I believe if it speaks to anyone who is afraid that they don't have it all together they will realize it is so OK if they don't.
My goal is to never try to impress people. I typically laugh at myself or write about things at my own expense. It takes the pressure off and lets me laugh at life. So I hope you know that I admit these things to help me as parent see that I just do what I can to survive. Some days are good and others I fly by the seat of my pants.
Wait...is that a bird? a plane? Nooo...just Jessica holding onto a fabulous pair of jeans.