Do you ever have a snapshot moment that if you had blinked, looked down, or the sun was in your eyes, you would have missed it? A glimpse of something pure and true that imprints a forever picture in your mind?
I saw a child made by the hand of God. I saw a childhood memory in the making. I saw a future yet untold. I saw a life just beginning. I saw the gift of innocence. I saw a trust and devotion for her Daddy. I saw joy.
And my heart swelled and beat harder at the magnificent responsibility given to me as a mother. The love I felt was overpowering and almost more than I could handle. I wanted to weep and dance as conflicting emotions clashed within my heart; as if it was more emotion than a person should be able to handle.
I even feel silly writing all of this here because those of you reading are unable to know my heart, the emotions that flowed through me as I stared at the face of my child for a mere moment while exiting a room. It would have been missed but for some reason God did not want me to miss it. He wanted me to drink in the face of my child and see her in a way I believe...HE sees her.
I am so guilty of getting caught up in what ultimately does not matter. My house. Vanity. What others think of me. Pride. Busyness. Being a Martha when I desperately want to be a Mary.
But as I saw my child's face I saw that all of those things are not on her radar. Neither of my daughters are worried about paying a mortgage, tithing faithfully, or keeping a schedule. They are still children where their parents are bigger than life. God is not questioned. He just IS. Swinging on a swing or jumping through a sprinkler is a memory that will be recalled decades from now and evoke feelings of home and nostalgia.
And I so appreciated this precious moment where I could stop and suddenly become keenly aware that I am daily witnessing a future in the making. And my role within it is radically significant. My walk with God will affect the walk of my children as the grow up. My actions will be watched and mirrored. Even in adulthood. It was like I suddenly realized I was seeing the very history they will live with for all of their days.
Of course, memories fade. But I am still astounded by which ones remain firmly embedded in my long term memory. The ones that have significance to me but would not to someone else. And you never know which ones they will hold onto. For all I know, I glimpsed the moment Cati realized that her big, strong, safe daddy was so much fun and she would always remember squealing and running as he rounded the corner to catch her and tickle her. What I do know is that these moments are precious and I need to attempt to handle each one with care. So often I am careless with my words or even downplay something that would mean everything to my little Cati. Like a picture she has drawn or a stick she has found and talked to like a friend on the sidewalk. I need to stop and see life through her little eyes.
So I desperately needed to write this all down today. Not so much for all of you precious friends of mine who take the time to read my little blog. But today was for you, girls.
My Cati-Bear and my Ella-Roo,
One day you will read these words. And you will know how I felt the first weekend in June, on a Saturday evening in 2010. Because if I never wrote this, you may have never known it. Life would go on and my glimpse would fade from memory. But I have wrote it here to remember that even the every day things are extraordinary. They are part of our past that will shape our future. And you girls, are extraordinary. You are my daughters but most of all you are Daughters of the King. And every moment matters. To God and to your mom who loves you with every beat of her heart. And as I type, the words become blurry through tears of gratitude for a God who loves us with an everlasting love. Whose will for our lives is so precious and we are to treasure life's simple moments because they are gifts. I just wanted you girls to one day be able to read my words and have your own glimpse from your past as I glimpsed your future in the making.
Girls, you are my heart.