Making Changes

Whew.

That was a much needed break.  I suppose you may be curious about the "why" since the "what" was obvious that I wanted to spend more time with my girls. 

I guess I have been in a life slump and just needed to remember what is important.  I was making so many selfish decisions that benefited only me, myself, and moi.  Plus, this blog has become what I did not anticipate with such a  fun little writing outlet.

An idol.

I will tell you that honestly I would peek in on my email numerous times a day just to see of someone stopped by my little blog.  I would cruise other blogs like crazy and I do believe I would be appalled if I added up all the minutes I did this throughout the day.  A waste.  Here my girls are asking me to play, hugging my knees with mac and cheese hands, and I am more concerned about what people in the blogosphere are saying to me.

Then my BFF, often the voice of reason, said something that stopped me in my tracks.  She said that often, as moms, we feel like we are living in the midst of a thankless job in this particular season of our lives.  After confessing this to her and appealing to her for her wisdom, she said that perhaps I had a need to feel appreciated or distinctive in some way outside my normal mommy role. And in blog-land I find it.

Oh such wisdom. No truer words have never been spoken about the quiet place in my heart that no one can see.  Sometimes I feel like I am never me anymore.  My name is Mommy and that is it. I wanted that title for so long that it pains me to admit how misinformed I was. Basically since I conjured up my own fantasy land and  went to live in there.  I just thought I would dress up these cute little peanuts, play with them, show them off to the public, and throw in some scripture for a happy, DIY, simple upbringing.

Um, Jess? Visit reality much?

This parenting thing is so wonderful, so incredible.  It touches places in my heart I did not even know existed  But this ride is certainly not a simple one.  And it it is teaching me so much about dying to self.  To literally be a servant to God in my home.

That is a hard pill to swallow, friends. 

If I had it my way, I would read, craft, and drink coffee in my spare time.  My reality tells me to fold that laundry waiting in the basket for 3 days, get the dishes out of the sink, plan that menu, give my hubby the respect and home he deserves and hug your little girls a gazillion time because they won't be little for long.

But the FUN NEWS?

Here are some notable discoveries during my hiatus as I took time to engage in the little stuff...

• Cati blows her nose and then puts the tissue BACK IN THE TISSUE BOX. Lovely discovery. I had just thought they pulled them out and stuffed them back in. 
• They both discovered that inserting raisins into door knobs is a favorite pastime.  I can assure you they are not exclusive to raisins. Bendaroos, craft pom pom balls, paper, and littlest pet shop toys that can only be viewed under a high powered microscope.
• Ella is talking more and more every day. Her latest? "No. No. Nonononononononono." But my favorite word she can say is Play Doh.  But she needs to say it. Not eat it.
• Cati & Ella no longer enjoy my singing with them.  I am told it is "Cati & Ella time."  Okidokes.
• I have discovered that a British accent (of which I do an inexcusable job) renders fear in my children rather than fun.  I made a  note to self:  British accent, though all together dignified and lovely (like calling a pimple a "spot," prounounced "spaught") is not fun to little children."  It instills fear that mommy does such a poor portrayal.  I shall stick to my mixture of NJ, NY, MD, with a dash of southern.  That ain't so pretty either but it's what they know.
• Cati has become extremely exuberant about her awareness of her private parts.  This is a work in progress to tone down her "Go Tell it on a Mountain" proclamation of said parts.
• Ella prefers to offer up affection on her own terms but my arms are open whenever she is ready.

So I think I am back on track again.  I have so many fun ideas for this blog but no time for the application of them.  So right now I will continue to wing it in the hope that all of you are along for the ride with me. 

P.S.  Big change a-brewing tonight...I am getting a haircut. 
MAJOR SEVERING OF LENGTH I tell you.  Before and after pics to come.  I am nervous.   Excited.  OK.  I kinda want to throw up.  But this is so necessary.