Let me count the ways...
Tweezing my nose hairs one by one for pleasure.
Getting a huge tax return and then finding out the IRS was wrong and you owe it all back.
Stepping on a huge sewing needle and having your husband pull it out (happened last week).
Dropping a cake you just baked while removing it from the oven.
Having your daughter have a diaper explosion at church and having to pick her up dressed in a diaper and a church issued t-shirt that says "Ski Bunny in Training." Then later finding out they accidentally threw away her poopy clothes that included a pair of Baby Gap pants, a cute shirt from Nordstrom, and $50 Stride Rite shoes. (Oh wait. That really happened too)
Finding an unidentifiable hair in my $8 ice cream cone.
Paying for a pedicure and while walking to the car, tripping and scraping your big toe on asphalt.
Dropping a cell phone while reaching for coffee at a drive thru and watching it smash into smithereens.
Having a talking scale proclaim your weight at a grocery store.
Having your pants fall to your ankles at a full sprint on the treadmill at the gym.
There you have it. All those things would be better than my past week.
Now I need to give you highlights from this enlightening process. A process where us po' folk have eyes and dreams bigger than our wallets. And friends, we have been schooled in the fact that the needle in a haystack will take some time to find. Sadly, time is not on our hands. Our search has included fixer uppers so allow me to invite you into this new world I did not know existed...
Admit it. For a split second you thought this was our new house. But alas, no. Just another attempt to find humor in this very humbling process.
Found a house with a missing section of stair railing, half finished floor boards and a faux finish that was a hybrid of a Tuscany and Grecian villa. There may have been a cat sitting in this faux painted window of this random wall. I have blocked out the memory so don't hold me to that.
A laundry room that had wallpaper in ginormous, cutesy font with the sentence over and over and over...I HATE LAUNDRY ROOMS. The words each had their own primary color for effective POP!
A house with a bay window that had a "fixed" window seat that had issues. Well, those issues were termites and they ate the entire window seat. It was wood pulp.
A house that was redone from the inside out and soooo gorgeous. When we arrived, we saw it had a fabulous view of Applebees and Home Depot right out front.
More blue bathrooms.
Hunter green bathrooms.
Bathrooms that make a phone booth look big. Remember those?
A house with an island that was a stove and oven. Yes, the top was the stove. The best part? It was that dingy yellow color and still had the last meal on it. True story. And when we arrived I believe we walked into a house that was once part of a 60's commune. Wood paneling was EVERYWHERE and a bathroom where I believe the only way to use the loo was to climb in it because there was no room to stand in front of it.
I know I will have more stories to tell. But get this. We have an AMAZING realtor. He is someone we already knew from church, he is amazing at what he does, and he lets us call the shots. He never pushes us but he is so great about reminding us of what we want when we consider settling for something less than what we are looking for. We have been blessed!
But I covet your prayers. I am struggling, I am stressed, and I am NOT standing on faith as I should. It has been a week that has felt like a year and I am slightly panicked. Yes, after a week. I am not a laid back kind of gal. More like an intense, overly worried, freaker outer.
But the hubster provided some perspective for me tonight and has ordered me from the "Search Process." He is a good man.
And you all are good friends to be vested in this process with me. More updates to come.