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August 11, 2009

Blinky & Pink. Oh Yes.

These are Cati's new shoes. Are they not the epitome of girly? I should put this as my picture for this blog. It's so perfect! They are two shades of pink, completely girly, and I LOVE THEM!

Cati's grandparents bought these for her after her Daddy and I were ready to leave the store because nothing came in a wide for her size. I figured the search was over and we would try it another day. Then we turn around to Cati trying on the display set of these shoes. They fit her and she wants to wear them home. They have those blinky lights that I do not have the heart to tell her will not last and she is doing her best to figure out their blink capacity. She kicks her heels like she's trying to find her way out of Oz. She kicks the back of the seat in the car (my particular favorite). She jumps up and down, runs, smacks the bottom with her hand. She wants to sleep with them, puts them on with her pj's at night and puts them on first thing int he morning. This is the first thing I have ever seen her do this with and I am just astounded that it would be with pink, girly shoes. Where does she get this fetish from?

Okay. Me.

I love shoes. A little too much. Heels, flip flops, running shoes, wedges, boots (ohhhh, boots), flats, you name it. I love them. They make you feel like a gazillion bucks when you wear them, especially when you know you got them at Nordstrom during their half yearly sale for a crazy steal. So my love of shoes has become a heritage passed down to my oldest. Clearly, I must work on the spiritual emphasis of this heritage but it does this mommy proud to see a love of shoes passed on. Pray for me to have sharper focus of this completely superficial obsession. Pray for me more that I am proud to see it manifested in my child.

So I watch this dance of Cati's where she is thinking constantly of these shoes, needing them on her feet, and focused throughout her day on what they do, how they look, and how much she loves them.

You so know where I am going. I am transparent like cling wrap.

Yes. It's a God lesson. Why, oh why does my focus on God not look just like this? Why don't I wake up each morning prepared to embrace the day with the God of my life? Why is that not my first thought? It used to be. Why don't I see him in every aspect of my life? How I parent, how I nurture my marriage, the way I serve the body of Christ, the way I witness my faith to all I encounter? Why is the bible like an errand that has to get done instead of a delight? Why have I forgotten my first love?

I really believe if I loved Jesus like Cati loves those shoes, my spiritual walk would look significantly different.

I think I would would start each day with God (at this moment I hear the CHRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIPPPP of the Velcro as she puts them on...again), delight in the way I see him work in different ways within my daily life, I would pray without ceasing, I would draw him close to me until I laid down my head to sleep and wait for a new day.

Who knew a devotional type post would come from blinky, pink shoes? Not me. I know that Cati is just being a sweet little girl who delights in something that she loves. Pure and simple. But I am a woman. A woman saved by grave who needs to live her life in thankfulness to her Savior. And this verse keeps echoing in my head as I type...

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21

I do not believe my love of shoes is an idol. I am actually making fun of myself here. But I do believe I put my focus and hope on everything but my King. Often. Maybe daily.

I confess to you that there days I feel close to despair as I see marriages crumbling, Christians being frighteningly unlawful; becoming ensnared by such depravity it takes my breath away. I see it and I say, "Why is this happening? Is the body being attacked this much?"

Yes, I think it is. And a still small voice speaks to the inner most parts of my soul with this chilling question...

"How are you any different or any less susceptible, Beloved?"

The answer feels like a kick in the gut. I am not any different. I can fall prey just like anyone else. Fellowship with God, true fellowship is where I begin. Lately, I have been living off a relationship with God that is maintained by God. Fellowship with God is maintained by me. I am to draw near, to pray, to study His precepts, and dig deep into the spiritual trenches of His Word in order to fight what I see is a losing battle for so many.

I have a quote written on the title page of my bible...

"The scriptures were not given to increase our knowledge but to change our lives."
-D.L. Moody

May I take this to heart. So my prayer is that I fellowship with God like Cati enjoys her pink, blinky shoes. Maybe, just maybe I can experience a new pair of shoes for me while drinking deep of the living water...can I have both? But I know what is temporal and what is eternal.

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