Just Another Tuesday

Have I failed you?  

Is there a slight void you are experiencing? 

Perhaps you feel like the world has tipped a bit on its axis.  

Has the section of your brain where all things creative and inspired suddenly dulled and you feel the source of your muse has left you bewildered?   

Last question where I make you think I am so full of myself and actually think that Two Tips Tuesday is that important to you...

Have I just completely ruined your day that I dare do a post that is bereft of not one nifty little tip but two?

There.

I have made a complete fool of myself for thinking Two Tips Tuesday is the foundation of my blog and I am otherwise purposeless without it.  To be honest, it is a relief that I can come here and confess that I am spent for the time being.  Mentally exhausted from this life as a wife, mommy, and somewhat consistent blogger.  I got nothing, friends.  I tried some things this week but they just did not work.  So I decided to share with you my "fail attempt tips" that should make you smile.

How about how I tried making my own liquid starch from corn starch and water hoping to produce these magnificent eggs made out of ribbon or yarn or twine.  You've seen them out there.  What I really need is fabric stiffener or commercial liquid starch. But I am lazy, cheap and petrified to bring Cati out in public. You know. Since she has decided that being a legally defined public nuisance through shrill screaming and screaming the word "NOOOOOOOO." It is best described as a half growl that surprisingly mimics an electronic voice that deepens when the batteries begin to die.  Frightening.

So at first, I tried using spray starch.  I figured if I sprayed it directly into this pretty, plastic green cup I had on hand, fill it up and soak some yarn, it will work.  I scoffed at the expiration date of 2007.  How can it possibly not work?  Um, hey craft genius.  It expired like 3 years ago.  But I press on.  Determined not be intimidated by that mocking expiration date.

Finally, my fruitless efforts woke me up but not before I had a chance to leave it on the table hoping to find other inspiration and in the meantime my Ella drinking this expired starchy stuff in the pretty green cup.  Poison control was gracious and only  slightly snickered at my panicked call.  I mean, wouldn't you panic if the can says "could be fatal if inhaled?"  I figured digesting it would prove more harmful.  Fortunately, corn starch is the primary ingredient and did I mention it was expired?  3 years ago?  I did?  Oh, good.

After I make the corn starch concoction and decide that since I could possibly have a Guiness Book of World Records dental floss collection (Father-in-law is a dentist and my father is just plain fanatical about dental care) maybe that might work to starch and wrap around a balloon shaped egg.  I decided that the minty smell was actually a bonus to this flash of brilliance but it also did not work. Back to the drawing board.

Next attempt at a fun tip was making a sconce out of a picture frame and glass votive holder.  But as I went to purchase these items with both Ella and Cati inside the cart, they decided to experiment with gravity, laws of physics, and shelves full of these glass votives.

It was time to not only vacate the premises but flee the city.

Just so you know she is not demonically possessed I am sharing this sweet moment on Saturday by inserting this quick pic of the girls.  See?  She shares.  Screams like a loon in all places public but I take what I can get.

I guess now I should say I am sorry for no Two Tips. I am here, at home this Monday night, just daydreaming about my future house with my husband and mentally redesigning the master bedroom and bathroom.  I have so many ideas and so little cash. Sigh. Groan.

Ahh, but I never fear a challenge.  Wait, let me show you this future bathroom of ours.  Do you want to see it?  Remember, it is unfinished but think of it as a fresh canvas. Please keep in mind we had a camera full of dead batteries and only used a cell phone for these pictures.  But look at our current master bath for this house we are patiently waiting for the bank to approve on...

Here is the tub.  What on earth is up with this blah and ugly gray tile?  I think if I kept it I would feel like I was bathing in a jail cell. Do jail cells have garden tubs? And what is that ripped up paper thing. I do NOT want to know.

Doesn't the blue painter's tape look menacing?  Wouldn't you be afraid an alarm bell would go off if nature called while looking at this house?  Would you risk it?  I sure didn't.  And with  the unfinished floor it just felt...shudder...gross.  But there is the loo.  And the attractive dull gray toilet roll dispenser.

Suddenly, I feel closer to each of you.  Here I am sharing with you my future commode.  It feels intimate.  We must be digging deep together, friends.  Are you feeling our bond grow like I am?

Oh, this shower.  It is OK but I am hoping our friend who is a contractor can come up with a much more current and spa-esque shower solution than this.  But again, money is always a factor.  But I believe some chiseling may be required to clean this sucker.  Pray for me.  Better yet, just hold me.

Last but certainly not least would be this fabulous pink double vanity. The picture is awful but so is the vanity so I have spared you from defiling your eyes.  I have a complete devotion to the color pink but you will find almost NONE OF IT IN MY DECOR.  My style is kinda cottage, a pinch of beachy, a dash of shabby, a huge dose of comfortable and cozy but NO PINK in my bathroom.  I think I have made myself abundantly clear on pink in my bathroom.


So I leave you all with no tips.  And I will confess I inserted that picture of my girls after writing this post because there was no way I wanted my blog to appear on any of your blog lists with that unfinished bathroom as the photo that went with the post.  Perhaps I have decor vanity issues but I accept this flaw with gusto.  In fact, I embrace it.

I have not forgotten to give you a tour of Cati's room as part of my goodbye to this house.  But it is strange to have one foot in one house and one in the other.  I am sure so many of you can relate. 


So happy Tuesday friends.  Hope you enjoyed my failed attempts at tips and my ghetto pink future bathroom. 

Here We Go!

It has begun.

The tide has turned.

God has gone before us.

As of today, the sellers signed the contract offer and as soon as the bank approves, we will be under contract for this house.

I just sighed with the goodness of God.  Did you?

It is no way near over and the bumpy ride to a closing table is just beginning but I am so excited! I am so grateful for all of your emails, comments, and sweet reminders of the goodness of God.  I can't wait to show you around my house and share with you  the plans we have to make it our home.

Just wanted to check in with you all on the house news.  There are other things a brewing in my crazy life but I will hold off to share those.  Let's deal with what's on the plate in front of me, shall we?

My hope is to be back to writing my normal posts and random musing on life as I know it.  This has been a whirlwind ride but you all have hung in there with me.

In the meantime, I want to say goodbye to my current house.  By no means is it this magazine level house but it is our home with precious memories attached. We started our family here and I want to share with you the various rooms in my house that have meant so much to me.

I have planned on doing this for awhile and then my sweet friend Libbie, over at The Middlest Sister, did a post on her daughter's room that is so gorgeous, so full of charm, and personal touches that I decided to start with Ella's room. Libbie, you inspired me girl!

I just love peeking into other people's homes. Not like an internet peeping tom or anything. Can you say ewww? Just a love of decor and style. Does anyone else see a photo on someone's blog and start looking at the background checking out kitchen cabinets, flooring, and decor?  Or is that just me?   All I'm saying is I love to see how people live and since I don't have cable, I don't have all those shows to check other homes out.  And I looooove to be inspired.

So come inside Ella's room with me. 

This room has seen many transitions.  It used to be my home office for my business, then we made it this cozy little guest room/office.  We had painted it a terra cotta color for my office and then lavender for the guest room. But when I became pregnant with Ella, we made it into this cute little nursery that looks...well...it looks like Pottery Barn Kids exploded in here. The lavender does not match but we kept it because it was girly.  I love it.

The room is apparently an add on to the house so there is no closet.  There is also the back door leading to the patio in here so storage and room are a precious commodity. I had to get creative.  The previous owner put in this built in bookshelf where the window used to be. It is an odd size and shape.  I painted the back of each shelf a different pattern that matches the Penelope Bedding from PBK to coordinate.

All the baskets are labeled and held stuff like diapers, bibs, little bloomers for all her dresses, toys, sheets, etc.  It worked out great.  I also made all those whimsical flowers to put my own mark on the room. That little yellow Llama was in my nursery as a baby too.  Awwww. 

This cute little box on her dresser holds her take home outfit from the hospital, her ID bracelet, and other precious mementos from my pregnancy and her birth.

This fun mobile over her crib is one of my favorite things about the room. It still hangs there and it gives the illusion these birds are really flying.  And the ceiling is one of my favorite things to decorate.  You must always find a way to hang something from the ceiling.  You just have to.

Another side of that awesome shelf.  Oh, I will always remember how much fun it was to prepare this room for Ella.  Just like God say He goes to prepare a place for us. There is so much love and anticipation attached to it.

And of course we can not forget the owner of this room.  My precious Ella. Who was just put down for her nap in this picture.  Don't you just want to reach in this picture and give her a big hug and kiss?  How I love that baby.

Did you like it?  That was kind of fun!  I think I will do Cati's room next. 

Love and hugs to all of you!

EMERGENCY POST!

It is not life or death but seriously this house saga is spiraling out of control into a dimension that looks nothing like reality.

So we find out this morning that the sellers turned down our offer due to the poor quality of buyers (us) because we have been sued by our landlord and evicted in August 2009.

Yes, please go ahead and read the above sentence again for clarification.  I'll wait.

Done?  Continuing on...First of all this is wrong, wrong, wrong because we have lived in our house for 6 years, have excellent credit and have never been sued or evicted.  Can you say our house buying process has become Satan's playground?

Secondly, the seller's divorce attorney has poorly advised them to take the house off the market for 30 days.  Oh, this is just bad. Both realtors and brokers are getting involved because no divorce attorney needs to be giving advice about real estate, this market is in the dumps and will continue to descend within the next 30 days, and...I have just stepped off my soap box. Bottom line, our lender sent a letter to the realtor declaring our excellent credit and past rental history and all parties involved are trying to rectify this bizarre turn of events.

My poor husband paled at the news this morning and called me from the car on the way to work saying he has not felt this disheartened since they called us about our foster child, "J" and told us he would not come home to us after we waited 3 weeks for him. (from our Infertility Story). But this is also what he said...I tell myself to forget not all of God's benefits because Cati came home to us 2 days later.  And we would not trade that heartbreak for the joy that Cati brought into our lives and still continues to being. I

Isn't God good?  That we can strengthen our faith remembering how He never lets us down even in the midst of colossal disappointment. And I am so proud of my husband for remembering Who our hope is and reminding me too.


Here is what I am remembering today...Our integrity precedes us and God is our advocate who goes before us.  Whatever is around the corner is trustworthy.  Whatever it is.  GOD is trustworthy and our present wants have nothing to do with His good, pleasing, and perfect will.  


I will confess that my first reaction to my husband was..."WE NEVER PRAYED!  We got so caught up that we never prayed!"  Then I stepped back and remembered that God even blesses those who don't even acknowledge Him.  Then I lost my wisdom as quickly as I gained it in that moment by crying out..."We never prayed for PROTECTION!  Now Satan is stirring up havoc and mischeif upon our house buying process!!!"


I have not told you that I am a drama queen for nothing.  But in that statement I completely succumbed to my propensity of being a Control Freak Drama Queen. That title so deserved a bigger font size. I mean, why must I assume my lack of praying will suddenly result in imminent disaster?  In that line of thinking, I act as though God is my vehicle and I am the driver steering him to and fro.


Father, I confess to you now my utter helplessness without you.  I ask your forgiveness for diminishing Your sovereignty in all things.  You are a good God and I trust you.  I lay this here at the foot of the cross.  Your will, Lord.  Not mine. 
In Christ's POWERFUL and MORE THAN ABLE name I pray, Amen.

Friends, I ask for prayer.  For our hearts and for where we will live.  I pray this is the house but I want an open heart even more. A heart after God's own heart.

Another House. Another Offer.

I am beyond thrilled but I am trying to guard my heart.

We found another house today and we are ecstatic!  I am scared to show you pics but I figure if I am scared, then I am a tad superstitious and if I am superstitious, then I am not really having faith.  So here it is...

Omigosh...seriously I went to go post a pic and MY COMPUTER TURNED OFF!   No power.  It just turned off...(OK. I kicked the cord out of the socket but still this made for a timely moment of mega drama).  Talk about getting superstitious! OK.  Uploading pictures for the second time...

Look at Cati saying Welcome Home!  

Actually, she kind of looks like she just yelled Get Off My Property!  But I choose to believe she is the friendly, neighborly sort of girl.

Cati and me posing for a pic out front.  I so wish I cropped out my caboose in this pic.  It is moments such as these that I am reminded that I need to lose the 30 pounds I gained preggo with Ella. But then I go eat a cheeseburger and get over it. I really did.

Family pic with our realtor's phone.  

Now Ella looks like the angry, unsocial neighbor.  And Cati is laughing at people.  

This does not bode well for my parenting skills. 

They look much more friendly here.

So here we go again.  So many details to share but I will share them with you later.  Bottom line is that this house is...

So much cheaper.

Not far at all (actually closer than the other house).

It needs some work done but mostly cosmetic.

It is a short sale that a buyer just backed out of due to the long wait and was about to be approved by the bank.

We stepped in and took over the same offer to the bank.

Signing contract tomorrow.

God's hand is all over this and if this house works out, so much makes sense now.

This is not a dream home.  But it is a super nice home!!!!  It is worth far more than we would pay for it and after we get done with it, I think it will be lovely.  I am excited to invite you along for this particular ride too.  

Thank you to all of you who have emailed me to find out how it is going.  Figured you would enjoy updated pics of the girls and my rump. When we are pretty sure about how thing are going and it will be ours, I will invite you for a tour inside.  

Take care, my sweet friends.  Thank you so much for your care and loving comments.

House Hunt Status

I owe you an apology.

I am realizing I am only really posting on Two Tips Tuesday and that is not good.  I love all of you and I miss updating you on this pink life I have going here.  So let me share about our house hunt that is all consuming and so incredibly hard.

Well first of all, the house we initially put an offer on?  It floated back to us for another opportunity with family offering us money to buy and close on it and the sellers still said no.  Can you say we are rather thick headed?   I imagine my actions could possibly emit a slight sigh from the King of Kings. I think my actions can be that exasperating.  But I am loved and cherished by God.  I know. 

So tomorrow is kind of a pivotal day because we are searching in an area we had not considered and would not have considered since it is kind of far away.  It is north of us (and my peeps who live near me already know where I am talking about I am sure).  For those of you who don't know, where we live in kind of expensive. The cost of houses in our county may be considered highway robbery by some.   It is kind of weird but north of us, you get a whole lot more house for your dollar.  So we are going to try it and see what happens.  We already have some lovely houses to look at tomorrow so please pray.  We basically have one more week to find a house and be under contract before renting is the inevitable only option.

Please pray us UP!!!!!!

I will keep you posted.  Until then, forgive me for infrequent posts. I have also been unable to visit a lot of you which makes me sad too.  I will be back on my game soon.  Promise!


Hugs!

You Know What Goes Well With Disappointment?

Ice Cream.

Yep.  As I sit here and peck away at these keys I have some slow churned Edy's sitting here melting onto my desk. Actually it is melting on to this printed out MLS listing for this house we put an offer on.  I even opened some M&M's and poured them right on in to this here carton. And boy does it taste good. I believe this carton of ice cream here is the buffer needed to prevent disappointment from sliding into depression. I may get fatter but at least I will be happier on my journey there.

I thought long and hard about this post because I really was worried that I would seem faithless after being told a big, fat, meany, NO on the house and becoming so sad about it. Wait, maybe I should back up and tell you what happened.  As many of you figured out, I type like I think and like I talk.  Backing up...

Today we countered again and they said no even in the phone call. Which kinda stinks because we asked them on Saturday if we offered a certain number, would they consider it.  They said for us to get it in writing, we did, and they say an immediate no.  Huh. Well, God has spoken.  I am just sad we wasted a weekend.  

Oh that's right.  We had our faces in the toilet and so did our poor realtor.  Never mind.  No time wasted.

But back to my thoughts on posting about this.  I suppose I wanted to come at you with this super duper, spiritual-giant-like thing to say to show you how faithful I am.  And holy with a capital H. But then I realized I can be so dogmatic in how I think that being sad is somehow wrong, or faithless, or even sinful.  

All baloney.

One thing I know is that  I endeavor to be a Christian who is honest about the stuff of life. And I have to say I am so sad this house did not work out.  Sure, I can hope the deal falls through and they come back to us.  I can hope that a bigger and better house would be closer to Cati's school or my husband's work to shorten his commute. 

But in all of it I know that God said no and I truly rest in that no.  But here is what I am not resting in...His ultimate answer.  No is fine and often we hear the platitudes that God has something better...I even say that.  But here are my questions messaged into the Kingdom  today... 

What if His better is not My better?  

What if my wants have become ideals? 

What if what God has is something I need to have a thankful heart about instead of crying out about what is "right" for us in my own eyes?  

I often find I can start praying AT God like I am offering up a memo and then console myself that God got Jessica's memo.  Miss Churchy Smartpants USA with the sash to prove it has given God the memo about His will and her wants. When we put them alllll together they create the pot of gold at the end of my psycho rainbow.

How disillusioned can I be and how insulting is that to my King? 

I am not saying I have done that with this particular house but I am wondering if I am at a spiritual place where I know the right things to say yet I am really not being honest with God. Truly baring my heart to the God who knows it all anyway.  I used to pray brutally honest things like:

God, this woman annoys me.  And I don't love her at all. Her perfume is appalling and she seems to think being a know it all is attractive to other people.  Please help me to love her.  I want to please you yet talking to this person is so unpleasant that I believe my flesh will take the driver's seat and give her what for.  The joy of the Lord is my strength. Amen.

or

Lord God in Heaven.  I know I prayed for these children.  I know that you put us on a glorious journey of faith to place them in our lives.  But why don't you prepare us for things like when my oldest will take a shoe string out of a shoe and proceed to create an intricate noose leash with it pretending her little sister is her pet dog? I love them Lord but it truly is by your grace that they made it to their bedtimes alive.

This is honesty with God who knows our frail humanity is so limited.  But I find myself in a strange place when I say the "right" things to God in prayer.

Your will not mine, God. 

When I really want to say,

"I WANT THAT HOUSE EVEN IF IT ISN'T YOUR WILL!" 

Like if I really say the truth in my heart, HE will punish me for my selfish, wicked wants.  I know this is not true.  I KNOW IT.  But this is how I think and behave,  It is like there is a disconnect between my knowledge and the wisdom that lives out that knowledge.  Strange. Yet I also know when I truly confess my heart's desire that happens to not align with God's, He is so merciful because I always find my way back to wanting His will and not my own.

But today I am being real. I prayed that I wanted this house so much but that if it came back a no, I am believing God for his protection, provision, and ultimate plan for us.

But I am still so, so, so sad. 

And the ice cream is gone.  Which is fine because I am a little mad at it too.  I feel sick. I am so thinking God is teaching me something here. But anyways.  Back to the house search.

I am a little bit wiser.  A little less idealisitic.  And probably 3 pounds heavier.

Sigh.

Weeeellllll...it does not look good.

They countered at a price we just can't afford.  We are going to go back with a last offer that puts a bit out on a limb but we know we can do it.  We will just be tight for a little while. 

I am actually surprised I am not lying in a heap all depressed.  I think I really am truly trusting God with this one.  His "no" in this seems so reassuring.  Like, He is whispering, "Wait, beloved.  I have something for you but wait on me."

It may mean this house or another one.  Who knows?  He does.

I promise to keep you posted and please do not stop praying.  You are wonderful friends.

I am off to comfort and care for my husband who has caught this nasty little bug and it has hit him the hardest.  He is so weak and he can't stop throwing up.  Pray for him too!  Just pray us up all over the place!

Oh, here is a pic of the house you were praying for...isn't it cute? Oh well. 

Hugs to you all for being so thoughtful and sweet!

I Did NOT mean to be Literal!

About the throwing up thing. I was just kidding.

But perhaps the Spirit of God was moving within me to declare a warning.  A warning that I would find myself at 1 am in the bathroom with a trash can in my lap, and...ahem...performing other most uncomfortable evacuations.

Ugh!

I even sustained a hurling back injury! Is there such a thing?  My amazing husband took the day off to take care of me and good thing because Cati started throwing up by mid-morning.  I have read so many of your blogs and it seems there are MANY of you dealing with this as it cycles through your family.  

But the best part about it is I was so uncomfortable that I was unable to obsess about whether or not our offer was going to be accepted.  We were too busy cleaning couch cushions and clothes because of poor Cati. And it is now 4:15 pm and we still have not heard anything.  So as I type these words I don't have a clue what the answer is.

So I am going to push this handy dandy save button and wait until I hear the final answer...You are getting up to the minute info, friends...how fun!

UPDATE: 8:52 pm.  We have heard nothing! This is torture!  Apparently, we won't find out until tomorrow.  We pray this is in our favor that they have needed time to mull it over.  DO NOT STOP PRAYING!

I will post tomorrow and let you know.  If I make it through the night.

Will it be Yes or No?

All righty.

The ball has been set in motion. (Is there any oxygen in this room?)

Signed a contract offer tonight, wrote a scary check, and by 5 pm tomorrow we will know if our offer is accepted.

I am off to throw up.

The Last 27 Hours

Insomnia at 2:23 AM this morning


Tick...tick...tick...wait. That's not right.  I have a digital clock.

But you get me.  I am up.  Right now. It's the middle of the night and I am not sleeping.

Why?

Well, I almost typed it but my heart pogo sticked right into my throat.  I am scared to write it because it will make it real.  OK.  I will just take the plunge because all of you are my precious friends and so many of told me you are praying or just asking how this house hunt is going.

We found a house that we love.

Butterflies in the tummy.  Tossing and turning.  A burgeoning hope that seems scarier than a fruitless search. Those are the things that are resigning me to stare at this glowing box, tap away on these little squares and listen to a symphony of sounds that the hubster is producing over there on our bed that I should be lying down on.

Finding a house we love seems harder than not being able to find one.  Are any of you nodding?  Talking out loud to your computer screen like a loony saying, "I been there sistah!  I am soooo with you!" I hope so.  Because I had no idea.

Back up to 6:00 PM Tuesday...

Tonight we saw a few houses.  The first one was this cutie patootie thing right by the gulf in this adorable neighborhood that looks like beach houses.  So cute.  And this house was right in our price range.  We walk in and it looked just as good.  Perfect layout.  Not too big. Not too small.  Just some cosmetic TLC.  And just 4 roof leaks and termites. And flood insurance.  Cha ching!  Real estate sucker punch!  Did not see it coming.  And we were out the door.

Next up.  A cute house on a cul-de-sac that is owner occupied and we needed an appointment.  Not too bad but it becomes hard to picture yourself in a cute house with all their furniture and clutter. Then I glanced outside and became witness to the only hill in the state of Florida right in their backyard.  My girls could daily reenact the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme together.  NEXT!

Now this one was a shot in the dark for us. The One.  The right neighborhood.  Newly listed.  No issues.  Curb appeal.  A bit outdated but only serves us to make it our own while hopefully getting it a bit cheaper. But the moment I saw it online I was drawn in.  Big time.

We walk up to the front door and there it was.  The knowing.  I kept chasing it away asking myself how on earth can we afford this house out of our budget range. I pray for a hideous interior.  We walk in to dark green carpet and peach colored counter tops.  Really.  

And all I saw was my house. 

Within 30 seconds, I said, THIS IS IT!  Great floor plan.  Beautiful back yard.  Fabulous neighborhood.  And all the little things I had been looking for. After discussing some things, we took great pleasure in praying with our realtor over the house and God's will for us.  I  confess I will be so sad if this does not work out but I keep reminding myself that God is my hope.  Not the house.

Our realtor got right to work with much research and information digging. Tomorrow (today) we find out if they would even accept.  Even as I type, I am unsure if I will even post this for fear I will have to deliver bad news to you that it fell through. And before most of you read this, I will probably know where we stand so I figure what is the point?

Because God is in the business of making the impossible possible. I remember becoming pregnant with Ella after such a long infertility journey.  We found out in November and used our family Christmas card to announce the pregnancy,  We had professional photos done and I remember agonizing over the last line announcing...And Baby (our last name) due in July! I send out over 60 cards each year and at this point I was 7 weeks along with my first pregnancy ever.

As I struggled, God just spoke to my heart and said, "Believe and walk in that belief." And I did. And of course that little baby is Ella.

So I walk in the same belief now, knowing God has already established our next home and is lining up all the details.  Here is my day of manic obsessing with a side of godly peace...

8:00 AM Today
Our realtor calls. Apparently the sellers have been renting the house to their pastor after moving into their other house.

Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!!

He told the realtor a little about us and about us praying over the house last night.  The realtor responds with, "That's funny because the sellers were just doing the same thing for the right buyers."

Oh boy! Oh boy ! Oh boy! Oh boy!

So after much consideration we are going to extend a one time offer.  Today.  No negotiation dance.  Just  what we can afford.  Because we are really needing  a miracle here.  And if we start off low we may lose the whole thing.  And our realtor prayed over all of it so I am trusting His wisdom since it is the very thing we have been praying for.

12:45 PM: Mortgage Broker Phone Call
Numbers will be crunched.  But not yet.  Maybe in an hour.

1:45 PM
Have not heard anything.  Decide to concoct stress reliever food by combining random items from pantry.  Feel sick.

2:45 PM
Wondering if the way I am obsessing could be transposed to praying without ceasing.  Yet I keep refreshing my email hoping to hear back from hubby to give the go to our realtor to start the ball rolling. Click.  Click. Clickclickclickclickclicklcickclick.  Click.  Nothing.


3:31 PM
Still waiting. Just clicked refresh.  Again.  Nothing. Now I am looking to keep myself busy while the girls are still napping.  There is that pile of laundry...wait...click. Shoot. Nothing.


3:36 PM
EMAIL! Now we are told we are prequalified for more money than we want to spend  Say what?  No, no. Do that again. No reason to spend more than we have. More waiting.

4:36 PM
BING BONG!  Email...with scary numbers of a mortgage we might not be able to swing.  Enough to make us shy away from making an offer. Scary because we never sat down and figured out how we could make it work.  Insert broken hearts and dramatic response.

6:30 PM
After much freaking out on both our parts,  we come to our senses by getting on our knees and we are still going to make an offer. An official offer...with incredible peace.

I want all of you to know that I am so amazed at how many of you have emailed or asked questions about our house hunt and said you have been praying.  That means more to me than you will ever know. I am excited to continue to keep you posted.

Stay tuned and in the meantime...and if you think of it...please pray for us...we need a miracle.

Or send money.

What is more fun than house hunting?

Let me count the ways...

Tweezing my nose hairs one by one for pleasure.

Getting a huge tax return and then finding out the IRS was wrong and you owe it all back.

Stepping on a huge sewing needle and having your husband pull it out (happened last week).

Dropping a cake you just baked while removing it from the oven.

Having your daughter have a diaper explosion at church and having to pick her up dressed in a diaper and a church issued t-shirt that says "Ski Bunny in Training." Then later finding out they accidentally threw away her poopy clothes that included a pair of Baby Gap pants, a cute shirt from Nordstrom, and $50 Stride Rite shoes. (Oh wait. That really happened too)

Finding an unidentifiable hair in my $8 ice cream cone.

Paying for a pedicure and while walking to the car, tripping and scraping your big toe on asphalt. 

Dropping a cell phone while reaching for coffee at a drive thru and watching it smash into smithereens.

Having a talking scale proclaim your weight at a grocery store.

Having your pants fall to your ankles at a full sprint on the treadmill at the gym.

Giving birth. 

There you have it.  All those things would be better than my past week.  

Now I need to give you highlights from this enlightening process.  A process where us po' folk have eyes and dreams bigger than our wallets.  And friends, we have been schooled in the fact that  the needle in a haystack will take some time to find.  Sadly, time is not on our hands.  Our search has included fixer uppers so allow me to invite you into this new world I did not know existed...

 Admit it.  For a split second you thought this was our new house.  But alas, no. Just another attempt to find humor in this very humbling process.

Found a house with a missing section of stair railing, half finished floor boards and a faux finish that was a hybrid of a Tuscany and Grecian villa. There may have been a cat sitting in this faux painted window of this random wall.  I have blocked out the memory so don't hold me to that.

A laundry room that had wallpaper in ginormous, cutesy font with the sentence over and over and over...I HATE LAUNDRY ROOMS.  The words each had their own primary color for effective POP!

A house with a bay window that had a "fixed" window seat that had issues. Well, those issues were termites and they ate the entire window seat.  It was wood pulp.  

A house that was redone from the inside out and soooo gorgeous. When we arrived, we saw it had a fabulous view of Applebees and Home Depot right out front.

More blue bathrooms.

Pink bathrooms.

Hunter green bathrooms.

Bathrooms that make a phone booth look big.  Remember those?

A house with an island that was a stove and oven.  Yes, the top was the stove.  The best part?  It was that dingy yellow color and still had the last meal on it.  True story.  And when we arrived I believe we walked into a house that was once part of a 60's commune.  Wood paneling was EVERYWHERE and a bathroom where I believe the only way to use the loo was to climb in it because there was no room to stand in front of it.


I know I will have more stories to tell.  But get this.  We have an AMAZING realtor.  He is someone we already knew from church, he is amazing at what he does, and he lets us call the shots. He never pushes us but he is so great about reminding us of what we want when we consider settling for something less than what we are looking for.  We have been blessed!

But I covet your prayers.  I am struggling, I am stressed, and I am NOT standing on faith as I should. It has been a week that has felt like a year and I am slightly panicked.  Yes, after a week.  I am not a laid back kind of gal.  More like an intense, overly worried, freaker outer. 


But the hubster provided some perspective for me tonight and has ordered me from the "Search Process."  He is a good man.

And you all are good friends to be vested in this process with me.  More updates to come.

Checking In

I know. I have been on a bit of a blog hiatus.  It has made me sad to see some of those precious faces diminish where my bloggy friends are.  But I also have realized that my life is utter chaos at this point and what is more important is my family.  And with sick children and us in the process of finding a new home, something has to give and this blog is one of those things.

But I wanted to just check back in to update you all on what I have been up to besides taking care of sick kids. 

We are actually now working with a realtor to possibly buy a house. 

This is the most unexpected turn of events for us as we are greatly lacking in sufficient funds.  I wish that came off as an exaggeration but it is true.  Yet it seems there are possibilities in this real estate market we were unaware of.  And since this is the first time we have actively looked for a house, what have I discovered is that this process is EXHAUSTING, TIME CONSUMING, and ALL TOGETHER EXCITING.

The good thing is that we have perspective.  We are not getting our hopes up and we are still willing to rent a home if buying does not work out. We have already been approved for a loan and we are being EXTREMELY conservative.  In light of that, the choices are slim pickings because what we want does not match up to what we can afford. Tee hee.  I can be high maintenance. I just don't want to settle on something to buy.  Do you not agree?

But this is what I know.  God is in the business of doing immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine.  Not only that, but I take complete comfort in God's "NO's" in my life.  Each time God has extended a resounding no, I have seen the blessing.  He has snatched us from the fire on all too many occasions.  

Like the last time we were going to search for a house, we were approved for a loan of $350,000!  We laughed and said there was no way we could afford that and scaled back the search process yet the temptation was great. Then one month later, hubby was laid off of his job.  He then had to take another job (his current one) making less than half of what he was making before.  Wow.  Yet we have persevered because...I kid you not...on paper, our budget does not work out. Yet for the last 3 years we have been just fine. For 3 years we have seen God's provision in a mighty way.

Jesus, I magnify your holy name. 

A few years ago I took Beth Moore's bible study Believing God.  There are numerous nuggets of wisdom I gleaned from this study but one thing that stuck was something I have said over and over since hearing it...

"We see little because we believe little."  

I know that statement is a tad negative.  Because a more positive spin is 'We will see much if we believe much."  But the negative highlights where our faith is deficient.  And what I have come to know is that the end result is not the reward.  It is the faith journey to whatever end result God has already established. 

Faith is not believing God gives us what we want.  Faith is believing God for His best and sometimes His best is a RESOUNDING NO and giving us the last thing we thought we would need. 

That is the holy God I serve and I rest in His perfect plan for us.

So I just wanted to take a moment to say hi to all of you.  To confess to you yet again that I still get sick to my stomach when someone decides to stop following my blog, questioning myself and wondering what I did.  

Then I remember that when I put my hope in what man thinks for me, I have wandered from the path to sanctification that my God has me on.  I have focused on the temporal instead of  the eternal. I am not of this world.  I am merely in it, as an ambassador to Christ.

So I have regrouped and remembered that my blog is a wonderful way to give praise to my God and to remember I am not here to please man but to glorify my King.

And to remember that I have precious friends, of whom I have never met yet encourage me greatly. For that I thank you.  So hang in there with me as I go through a tumultuous process that may result in frequent absences. 

And please, please always remind me of what is truly important.

A Little Stressful Surprise

ATTENTION!

Attention Please!

Will the woman indwelt with the Holy Spirit, who can do all things through Christ please step forward? The one I have been waiting to find Me again?  The one who I have missed deep fellowship with, please approach the throne.  Of grace.  With complete confidence.

Hello?

Helllooooooooo?

Hmmmm.  Perhaps this will take more than just a loud calling.  Perhaps circumstances will weed out the one I have been calling. 

And so the mercy of the Lord has fallen upon me just like His mercies are found in every trial or discipline. Because every trial draws us closer to him; to deep fellowship, daily reconciliation, and a beautiful, holy yoke that will handle the burdens of life.  My life is the one my King knows the beginning to end and all that is in between.  

Oh, Lord, how good you are.  So, so good.

You are the definition of goodness in that whenever you discipline me and bring me upon my face I, in holy wonderment, draw closer to the well of living water...and drink DEEP. Every time I am humbled by the living God, I feel immense and purifying RELIEF.

Friends, I am humbled that life is never what we expect it to be.  And fortunately the surprise circumstance we find ourselves in is small compared to the many other trials people deal with every day. But it is still a wonderful way for God to get my attention for me to FINALLY heed the call to depend wholly upon him. (do you hear the hallelujah chorus?)

Tuesday, I received a call that we would have to move out of our home due to the owner being in the latter stages of foreclosure.

Do what?

For those of you newly visiting my little blog, hubs and I just rent and have been in our house for the last 6 years. Our story is more understandable from this post.  Anyway, we have had no plans to buy a house in this ridiculously crazy market so we have been OK.  We can live with the ugly cabinetry, unidentifiable paint colors,  terrazzo floors and lack of an ability to update.  Because I have been sure I will have a roof over my head. 


But this?  This was so unexpected.  We are living on the CHEAP, my friends.  Our rent amount is UNHEARD of in this here parts.  Out neck of the woods is way overpriced.  Let's just say CHA-CHING!


So we will be on the move. By the end of April as a matter of fact.

Now we are frantically trying to find a place that is...


1.  An upgrade from this place
2.  Closer for my husband's commute
3.  A quieter neighborhood with actual grass. Yep, no grass in this yard.
4.  A bathroom that can fit two people in and one that is not blue.  Yes, our guest bath is blue.  

Wait, I gotta go take  a picture of this hideousness.  It calls for a visual. I am literally getting up from this computer to take it...

There it is.  My dirty little secret. Oh, the horror.  I have a blue, retro, frighteningly ugly bathroom.  I did with it what I could by throwing in some brown but really the thing is still ugly at its best. 
I feel more free just sharing this with you. I have no more secrets from you. None. But now I have this photo to treasure for always.

The best part of this whole stressful situation is that God is here.  He knew this would happen.  And he knows where we will be in the next chapter of our lives. And I am finally paying attention. My life is never what I expect it to be and sometimes my circumstances can NOT be controlled by me.  Much to my prideful chagrin.


So here we go, folks. Because you might be getting an earful of venting.  Or weeping.  Or nashing of teeth.   If you have not caught on, I don't deal with stress or change all that well.  At least not initially.  But this I know. God has never, ever let me down before.  Ever.  Oh, He may have something different in mind than what I first wanted or hoped for.  But His way is always better.


So we say goodbye to this blessing...

And eagerly wait for the next.  
While I obsess a little.  I am only human.