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March 29, 2010

Just Another Tuesday

Have I failed you?  
Is there a slight void you are experiencing? 
Perhaps you feel like the world has tipped a bit on its axis.  
Has the section of your brain where all things creative and inspired suddenly dulled and you feel the source of your muse has left you bewildered?   
Last question where I make you think I am so full of myself and actually think that Two Tips Tuesday is that important to you...
Have I just completely ruined your day that I dare do a post that is bereft of not one nifty little tip but two?


I have made a complete fool of myself for thinking Two Tips Tuesday is the foundation of my blog and I am otherwise purposeless without it.  To be honest, it is a relief that I can come here and confess that I am spent for the time being.  Mentally exhausted from this life as a wife, mommy, and somewhat consistent blogger.  I got nothing, friends.  I tried some things this week but they just did not work.  So I decided to share with you my "fail attempt tips" that should make you smile.

How about how I tried making my own liquid starch from corn starch and water hoping to produce these magnificent eggs made out of ribbon or yarn or twine.  You've seen them out there.  What I really need is fabric stiffener or commercial liquid starch. But I am lazy, cheap and petrified to bring Cati out in public. You know. Since she has decided that being a legally defined public nuisance through shrill screaming and screaming the word "NOOOOOOOO." It is best described as a half growl that surprisingly mimics an electronic voice that deepens when the batteries begin to die.  Frightening.

So at first, I tried using spray starch.  I figured if I sprayed it directly into this pretty, plastic green cup I had on hand, fill it up and soak some yarn, it will work.  I scoffed at the expiration date of 2007.  How can it possibly not work?  Um, hey craft genius.  It expired like 3 years ago.  But I press on.  Determined not be intimidated by that mocking expiration date.

Finally, my fruitless efforts woke me up but not before I had a chance to leave it on the table hoping to find other inspiration and in the meantime my Ella drinking this expired starchy stuff in the pretty green cup.  Poison control was gracious and only  slightly snickered at my panicked call.  I mean, wouldn't you panic if the can says "could be fatal if inhaled?"  I figured digesting it would prove more harmful.  Fortunately, corn starch is the primary ingredient and did I mention it was expired?  3 years ago?  I did?  Oh, good.

After I make the corn starch concoction and decide that since I could possibly have a Guiness Book of World Records dental floss collection (Father-in-law is a dentist and my father is just plain fanatical about dental care) maybe that might work to starch and wrap around a balloon shaped egg.  I decided that the minty smell was actually a bonus to this flash of brilliance but it also did not work. Back to the drawing board.

Next attempt at a fun tip was making a sconce out of a picture frame and glass votive holder.  But as I went to purchase these items with both Ella and Cati inside the cart, they decided to experiment with gravity, laws of physics, and shelves full of these glass votives.

It was time to not only vacate the premises but flee the city.

Just so you know she is not demonically possessed I am sharing this sweet moment on Saturday by inserting this quick pic of the girls.  See?  She shares.  Screams like a loon in all places public but I take what I can get.

I guess now I should say I am sorry for no Two Tips. I am here, at home this Monday night, just daydreaming about my future house with my husband and mentally redesigning the master bedroom and bathroom.  I have so many ideas and so little cash. Sigh. Groan.

Ahh, but I never fear a challenge.  Wait, let me show you this future bathroom of ours.  Do you want to see it?  Remember, it is unfinished but think of it as a fresh canvas. Please keep in mind we had a camera full of dead batteries and only used a cell phone for these pictures.  But look at our current master bath for this house we are patiently waiting for the bank to approve on...

Here is the tub.  What on earth is up with this blah and ugly gray tile?  I think if I kept it I would feel like I was bathing in a jail cell. Do jail cells have garden tubs? And what is that ripped up paper thing. I do NOT want to know.

Doesn't the blue painter's tape look menacing?  Wouldn't you be afraid an alarm bell would go off if nature called while looking at this house?  Would you risk it?  I sure didn't.  And with  the unfinished floor it just felt...shudder...gross.  But there is the loo.  And the attractive dull gray toilet roll dispenser.
Suddenly, I feel closer to each of you.  Here I am sharing with you my future commode.  It feels intimate.  We must be digging deep together, friends.  Are you feeling our bond grow like I am?

Oh, this shower.  It is OK but I am hoping our friend who is a contractor can come up with a much more current and spa-esque shower solution than this.  But again, money is always a factor.  But I believe some chiseling may be required to clean this sucker.  Pray for me.  Better yet, just hold me.

Last but certainly not least would be this fabulous pink double vanity. The picture is awful but so is the vanity so I have spared you from defiling your eyes.  I have a complete devotion to the color pink but you will find almost NONE OF IT IN MY DECOR.  My style is kinda cottage, a pinch of beachy, a dash of shabby, a huge dose of comfortable and cozy but NO PINK in my bathroom.  I think I have made myself abundantly clear on pink in my bathroom.

So I leave you all with no tips.  And I will confess I inserted that picture of my girls after writing this post because there was no way I wanted my blog to appear on any of your blog lists with that unfinished bathroom as the photo that went with the post.  Perhaps I have decor vanity issues but I accept this flaw with gusto.  In fact, I embrace it.

I have not forgotten to give you a tour of Cati's room as part of my goodbye to this house.  But it is strange to have one foot in one house and one in the other.  I am sure so many of you can relate. 

So happy Tuesday friends.  Hope you enjoyed my failed attempts at tips and my ghetto pink future bathroom. 


  1. My favorite line? "Pray for me... better yet, just hold me." I would have laughed out loud, but I'm typing away here in a corner of my in-laws house with the two kiddos quietly sleeping and I do NOT want to do anything to disturb the "me time".

    Love catching up! Can't wait to see that new house!!!

  2. Well, it definitely needs a little help, but that bathroom will be so amazing! A garden tub and double vanity? The bones of an awesome master bath!

  3. are you on facebook? if so, i need to share with you the pics of the time my mom painted my kitchen counters from green to granite. Oh, yes, painted. Cheap way to fix those pink bathroom counters.

    You are going to do amazing things with the house - can't wait to see!!!

  4. I don't read your blog for your tips... it's your wit and hilarity that brings me back for more! I do envy your craftiness, because that is sooo not me. I can sew a button back on though. Does that count??

  5. oh my dear! WE LOVE all your tips but WE LOVE you and all your family MORE!!

  6. ya, I don't read for the tips either, they are clever, but I don't have time to do them! I am excited to see more of the new home.

  7. Hey Jessica-
    I have been so feeling a little drained by blogging & stressed out to get a regular post not just a two tips post so don't ever feel alone in that! I have really been letting it go a little & that way I am enjoying it more :) I am so glad you didn't feel like you had to today! I haven't been as good at visiting people though either then & I see you got your house!!! YEAH!!! I did read your emergency post but for some reason some kid was screaming & I didn't get time to comment. Well as I write this my 2 boys bumped their heads & one is delerious so I better go even though I had more to write. better run :)

  8. You have great followers by the way. How encouraging and awesome. My favorite line is, "please pray for me, better yet just hold me". I am cracking up.

  9. This is one of my favorite blog posts of all time. Really!
    It totally reminds me of the pink KITCHEN countertops that were in the repo'ed house my parents bought to fix up. Just lovely. :)

  10. I second everything in your comments section! I love your tips, but love reading whatever you have to say even more--tips or not! You have such a way with words and make me LAUGH! I love that!

  11. So, I laughed so hard when I read this, and thought how brave you are... I have a bathroom that looks, well, jurassic...and we use it constantly(6 people,1 the math)but I can't bring myself to photograph it, I just keep hoping we'll move and leave it for the new owners... Thanks for the smile, and have a great day!

  12. Laughed out loud at the painter's tape on the toilet! Oh my!

  13. I do enjoy the tips, but most often they just get bookmarked for later because I have no time.

    So glad about the house even though the bathroom needs some . . . help. Think about it this way, you'll be able to make it over the way you want to.

    Our journey to home ownership is just beginning. Got pre-qualified yesterday and talked to a realtor today. Let the good times roll. :)

  14. Hey Jess! I can't believe you're going to move! We live right down the street from each other and we haven't seen you since Novemeber!!! That's terrible! I love your blog, your wit cracks me up! Hopefully we can do one more play date before you move.

  15. How exciting to see some before pics. I know the afters are going to be outrageously wonderful!


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